Pieces of me

You are the one that sets the rules for me,

The standards. the goals, the requirements,

You're the one that sets the highest expectations for me,

You're the one that makes me strives for perfection,

You're the one that compares me to others,

You're the one that feeds on my insecurities and lack of confidence,

And measures my self-worth based on how much I'm able to accomplish,

You're the one that clouds my thoughts, judgements and perceptions about myself,

You're the one that overwhelms me with feelings of remorse and guilt for even the tiniest slip-up,

You're the one that enjoys denying me any sort of pleasure,

And for every once of pleasure,

You punish me ten times worser,

You suck the life out of me,

You ensure everything goes according to a rigid plan,

You do not welcome changes of any sort,

You're the stronger side of me,

And also the darker side of me,

You push me to my limits,

even way past my breaking point,

You make me achieve what I have achieved,

yet you tear me apart in the process.

I have to learn to let go of you,

even though you are the one that holds most of me together by your rigid set of rules,

But those rules do not allow me to live the life I want,

At least if I let you go,

I might finally get to live.

But then again, its hard to break away from a part of yourself,

A stronger part of yourself.

IT

Do you wanna know how IT feels like?

Its when you watch everyone happily living their lives

While you get drag into darkness

And no, there's no light at the end of the tunnel

Or a sliver of hope

Or anyone to help you

Its just darkness

Black, scary and hopeless

Blinding you

Enveloping you

Just you and you alone

That's how IT feels like.

Who am I?

I can be the happy one, smiling at everyone and everything,

I can also be the one that's hurting terribly inside with no one to turn to.

I can be the one that seems carefree and without issues,

I also can be the one that's dealing with inner turmoil of all sorts.

I can be the one that doesn't give a damn about what I do,

I can also be the one that controls, restricts and punish myself for minor slip ups.

I can be the one that can take everything thrown at me,

I can also be the one that when prodded a bit more, lash out like a thousand demons.

I can be the quiet one that has few words to mutter,

I can also be the one whose screams and curses can be heard thousands of miles away.

I can be the one who treasures the sanctity of life,

I can also be the one who thinks how easily it is to severe the fragile thread that keeps someone alive.

I can be the determined one, that strives hard to achieve,

I also can be the one that gives up easily.

I can be the one that is so simple and easy to decipher,

I can also be the one with a myriad of different personalities.

I can be someone that you might be familiar with,

I can also be a stranger to you.

Who am I really?